It’s been a while.
A lot of has happened since I last posted.
Change is a tricky thing. It comes and goes. Sometimes it sticks, sometimes it fades, and sometimes it never comes. I’ve changed quite a bit in almost two years, but I haven’t changed, at the same time.
I fail daily when it comes to having a full relationship with God. I started this blog as a type of accountability tool, as well as sharing what I learn with the world in the hopes that maybe if anyone else is going through what I’m going through that something may help (or at least point them towards scripture, because that is what matters most). However, I’ve let my circumstances rule my emotions and I’ve allowed them to dictate my actions.
I don’t know where you are in your walk with God, but where I am, I’ve been before.
I’ve been here many times.
I’ve been lost and broken and numb.
I’ve pulled away so far that God is the last thing on my mind.
My soul becomes weary when I’m not close to my creator.
One of the most beautiful things about God is that He doesn’t ask for much for all that He does for us. He will quietly stand by your side, forgiving you, loving you, looking out for you, and blessing you. He fights for you, every single day. All He asks for is for our love.
Well, it depends on what you think love is.
I’ve been trying to replace “love” with “choose.” When I say I “love” something, I’m saying that I “choose” it above all other things. When you start to think of love in those terms (which is what it actually means in the first place), you begin to understand a bit more on what you mean to God and what it means to really love God in return.
I have been guilty of not loving God.
He loves me, but I do not love Him.
I wake up and I choose coffee over God.
I go to work and I choose gossip over God.
I come home and choose Netflix over God.
I get ready for bed and choose sleep over God.
I have shut Him out of every aspect of my life.
And that has made me tired, angry, lonely, frustrated, and empty.