Back in mid-August, I was unceremoniously let go from my job.
This was the very job that I had accepted as my “forever job.” Not only was it filled with wonderful, godly people, but it was a steady, full time, salary job. A “big girl” job.
I can still remember the full-bodied numbness that crushed me as my recruiter from my hiring agency told me that I wasn’t allowed to go back to work anymore because they didn’t want me. Was this a joke? I remember asking myself. I kept waiting for the punchline.
It never came.
I over analyzed every little step I took in that building from day one to present; trying to sleuth my way to the very issue that caused this explosion of my heart; my hopes and dreams. One day, I was making more money that I’d ever made in my entire life, and the next….I wasn’t.
How was I to cope with that?
I remember coming home and not being able to shed any tears. Surely there was something wrong with me. But there wasn’t.
I had prayed for this.
I know what you’re thinking: “You prayed for this?? Are you crazy??”
Yes, I prayed for this, and maybe I am crazy, but let me paint this picture for you.
I had been struggling, (as seen in my last post) with the poison of shame and guilt. That struggle had bled into my work-life and had caused me to have a little mini-break down in my office one day. As a form of saving, I opened a blank word document and typed up a flurry of a prayer; silent but full of my heart and tears.
I’d praised and thanked Him for His deliverance, His unfailing love, and His faithfulness. I even prayed for those whom hurt me most (I still struggled with that choice of forgiveness every day). And then I did the unthinkable: I asked for His help.
I asked that His will be done, not my own. I asked the He guide my footsteps. I expressed my willingness to rest in Him, and only Him, and that I was ready to love Him fully and to trust in Him wholeheartedly. I asked Him for rest.
Five days later, I was fired.
When it came down to it, many people asked if I was ok. They asked what I was going to do next. All I could say was I will trust in the Lord.
And that’s what I did.
I trusted in Him. I didn’t fret. I didn’t stress. And I surely didn’t pull out hair or rant and rave and complain and whine. I did what I could to the best of my ability, relying on His strength and guidance instead of my own.
Three weeks later, I was hired on by a marketing firm and I’m currently going into my second week there.
It’s been crazy and it’s been wild, and it’s been extremely uncomfortable. But, I’ve come to realize that when you ask God for something and He deems it time for you to receive it, He’ll do exactly that.
And the best part?
And that’s exactly what this has taught me:
- It’s taught me that I don’t have to worry about anything, because God already has me taken care of.
- It’s taught me that sometimes, even though it may not be what I want, it’s exactly what I need.
- It’s taught me that God definitely works in mysterious ways that I may not fully understand, but it furthers the wondrous glory of His power.
- It’s taught me that unless I’m being pushed out of my comfort zone, I’m not growing.
This new job is definitely something new and definitely something I’m not used to, but I’m not worried at all because I choose to remain in His love, and trust in His promises. He loves me more than I can ever possibly fathom, and I’m content to wait on His timing in all things, because He knows the bigger picture far better than I ever could.