I’ve been hiding away from the world with all the best of intentions.
I’ll be back when I’m better.
That’s what I kept telling myself, every day, when I woke up every morning. I’d make the most logical excuses, settling and compromising myself until that still small voice was securely ignored and buried. It took a hang over to slap me back into reality.
What was I doing? Who did I really think I was fooling?
I’ve heard all the sermons, read all the articles, attended all the workshops, and I still didn’t get it.
God already knows me. He has loved me from the start, and He will never stop loving me. He loved me the moment I was born, long before I ever made my first mistake. He already knows all the mistakes I will ever make, and yet He still loves me.
I can’t just sit back and expect some miracle to come and pick up my withering soul and breathe life into my daily routines. It takes a simple choice: do I want to live or do I want to exist?
I’ve come to the conclusion that the best way to breathe life back into myself is by going to the source: the living Word.
So, to myself, I ask for forgiveness. I ask that I’ll find it within God’s strength to let go of my regret and my depression; that I finally move forward with the life that you have blessed me with and that I will utilize it for your glory, and not my own. It’s past time that I realize I am not in control and that through my own means and strength, I will not succeed in anything. Apart from you I am nothing.